Before I knew Better
by Unparagoned
Summary: Beatrice Prior deals with consequences of her and Tobias' actions as she faces being Divergent, and having a baby to tow along. {Tris X Tobias}
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Divergent (obviously -rolls eyes-), or any of the characters displayed in this Fanfic.**

**Chapter 1**

_"__I remember the way his eyes flew over my body and the greed that shone in those pretty blue eyes. It had made me feel special. Wanted. Beautiful."_

* * *

_"_Tobias!" I pause for a moment to catch my breath before continuing to call his name. "Tobias!" I yell his name once more as I run through the party, cradling my belly with one hand and the test in the other, ignoring the looks of distrust gravitating around the air.

He doesn't seem to notice me a first, his deep voice raised as he converses with a large group of women surrounding him. I notice with a shudder how unabnegation-like they are dressed, and immeaditily attempt to ignore them.

I tap him on the shoulder and he pauses in his conversation ro exchange confused filled glances with the women surrounding him. He flashes me a flirty smile as his eyes glint with recognition.

"Come back for more, Flora?" I ignore the wrong name, despite the annoyed churning in my belly and focus on trying to disclose the shocking news.

"Tobias. I have something to tell you." I murmur.

"Go on."

I roll my eyes. "Alone, Tobias."

His dark blue eyes, the ones that I has drowned in the night before fill with an unreadable emotion, and he glances at my now tapping foot before his eyes return to the women surrounding him.

My throat knots as I realize he's deciding which of us are more compelling, and realize I was never important to him.

"I can make a scene, ya know." I warn softly. I'm bluffing, but the startled gleam that lights up in his blue eyes makes the outcome worth the lie.

"I'm following." he mutters, rolling his eyes juiviniley.

I lead him through the party, ignoring the stares, ignoring the annoyed glares Tobias keeps sending me.

We finally reach a dark room and I shut the door, turning to face Tobias.

"Go on. I'm waiting." he says, impatiently tapping his foot.

I open my mouth, fully intending to tell him a subtle way, but the words come out fast, thick and heavy.

"Tobias. I'm.. I'm pregnant."

_I was drunk that night, off of a beverage he had stolen from a Dauntless and given to me. I remember the way his eyes flew over my body and the greed that shone in those pretty blue eyes. It had made me feel special. Wanted. Beautiful._

_"Be careful of him, Tris. No good can come from the Abnegation Playboy and you." Caleb had whispered to me._

_If only I had heeded his warning._

_Only when Tobias had gotten me to his room had I asked the question, though I was still in a drunken stupor. "What's your name?" I had slurred. His lips had curved up into a pretty smile that made me all the more eager for him to touch me. "Tobias." he'd said softly, feinting shyness._

_He'd leaned forward and kissed my neck, and I was shocked by the heat that had flew onto my cheeks, and my hands had instinctively pushed him away. He'd smirked at my embarrassment before kissing me on the neck again. "Don't be such a stiff, Flora."_

_I 'd stiffened when he called me Flora._

_This boy wanted to have sex with me, and he didn't even know my name?_

_I was too drunk to really think it through, so I immediately forgot about it as soon as the real crap begin._

_When we'd started, he'd pulled from me, shock in his blue eyes as he looked down at the faint speckles of blood staining the cover. "Your a virgin?" he sounded shocked. _

_"Why's it matter?" I'd slurred, much to his chagrin. He'd shrugged, the easy smile returning as he resumed his uneven thrusts. By then, I was so drunk I could barely feel the pain or the pleasure._

_Only afterwards did I remember to ask him if he'd used protection. At the question, the confusion painting his face was enough answer for me. "Why would I use that?" he'd answered, before letting out a low chuckle that didn't comfort me any._

_That's when I'd begin to get scared._

He pushes me away, anger lighting up in his blue eyes and shakes his head once, looking irritated. "I don't know what to tell you, Flora,"

He shakes his head once more, a look of disgust crossing his face then disappearing. "you were just a good fuck, nothing else." The tears come before I can stop them.

"But what about the baby? She, or he is yours to, Tobias." I say. I regret it immediately as his eyes harden.

"How do I even know its mine, Tris. Do I just take your word for it?" he retorts.

My cheeks heat up and I ball my hands into fists to keep from punching him. "What are you implying, Tobias? You should know you were the only one I've slept with."

He knows I'm right, but he can't, no, he won't accept it.

Coward.

He turns and walks away, humming a cheery little tune. Tears sting my eyes, and I will myself not to cry.

Should have known. I should have listened to Caleb.

_I'd watched him choose to change factions, blaming myself for the reason he'd switched. He probably wanted to get away from me, the girl who supposedly 'claimed' to have his child. Soon I forgot about him, buried every though of him deep inside, swearing to never think of him ever again. _

_Soon, the child was born, a baby girl I christened Tovyia. "Who's the father?" was all the buzz around the Abnegation compound for a long time. But I'd promised myself, as well as my parents I would never tell._

_He was gone for my life, forever. Or so I thought._

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

___"So you see, on that fateful Choosing Day, everyone wanted me to leave, even my parents, no matter how much they denied it."_

* * *

_Looking at Tovyia was like looking into a mirror, for she was a literal carbon copy of me. The hair, the way her eyes shined, all of it was me. The only difference from me was the dark blue eyes her and her father shared._

_Because of those eyes, somedays I couldn't look my daughter in the eyes, for fear of the chance I would hurt her. I also tried not to ponder on what he had done, and the way it had altered my life irreversibly and indescribably._

_Despite the fact that people from Abnegation are supposed to be modest and nonjudgmental, I slowly figured out the hard way that they were big gossips._

_The second Tovyia was born, no matter how hard I tried to keep her secret, everyone knew. People would look at me and my parents with unveiled disgust. Both Tovyia and I were openly shunned, as was my family. There was even some controversy on whether my parents should be removed from their high ranks._

_So you see, on that fateful Choosing Day, everyone wanted me to leave, even my parents, no matter how much they denied it._

"Tris Prior."

I rose to my feet, cradling the sleeping Tovyia to my breast tightly, as if I could make her invisible. It didn't work of course. There were whispers, rude comments.

_"A pregnant abnegation."_ one particularly loud voice commented, much to amusement of the others in the crowd who begin to chitter with laughter._"oh my."_

My cheeks burned as I tried to focus on the choosing bowls. I'd made my choice weeks ago, even before I'd discovered I was Divergent. I lifted up the knife with shaky fingers and focused on the bowls. I put my hand over the Abnegation bowl, considering how my life would go in this faction.

I could just imagine it. Me being shunned. Me alone. My daughter being shunned. My daughter being alone.

_No._ I thought with a determined shake of the head. _I wouldn't, I couldn't let that happen._

I moved my hand over to the Dauntless.

I stifled a squeak of pain as I pushed the knife into my hand and let the blood wash over the Dauntless bowl in my first act of bravery.

Triumphant screams from the Dauntless, and disagreeing yells from Abnegation greeted my choice. A pang of regret shot through me.

Maybe they did care.

I snuck a peek over at my parents.

My mothers eyes shone with pride, while my fathers held cold anger and contempt.

Tears stung my eyes and I looked away as I went back to my seat.

The rest of the initiates choosing ceremonies I didn't see, to blinded was I by the tears, but I did see my brothers.

Caleb went last and he took less time then any other initiate. He lifted up the knife, cradling it in his hand as he held it over the Abnegation bowl.

I could practically see my father's proud smile.

He pushed the knife into his hand, barely wincing at the pain.

_So he was going Abnegation, was he? Good for him._

I could imagine his life at Abnegation, without me.

_He'd probably marry Susan, have a bunch of Abnegation kids- _

My thoughts were interrupted as he pushed his hand over at the last minute, and into the Erudite bowl.

Silence greeted his decision. Caleb's face was red, a burning scarlet color, and I couldn't help the pity that washed over me for my brother. I cradled Tovyia closer to my breast and waited for it to be over.

What happened next was a blur as the Initiation Ceremony ended. The Dauntless rose to their feet and led the other initiates and I out of the Initiation Hall.

We were running up the steps as one, leaping onto the train as one. Adrenaline coursed through me as I laughed and joked with them. The train started to move, and a feeling of exhaustion overwhelmed me.

I laid my head on the straw and let darkness overtake me.

..

I woke up to someone roughly shaking me. I looked up into a dark skinned girls eyes. She wore black and white, so she was obviously a Candor.

"We're about to jump." she murmured the words, excitement dancing in her brown eyes.

While she looked nothing but excited, dread twisted my belly.

What if I dropped Tovyia?

As if the little girl had heard my thoughts, she emitted a soft squeal. The Candor girl's widened as she stared at the baby, then the Abnegation gray, and made the connection.

"Oh.. Your the.. Pregnant Abnegation."

I nodded, my face flushing a hot red.

_I could hear the whispers around me now, the judging voices.._

"I'll carry her for you, if you want while you jump." she offered.

I couldn't help but smile as for once, someone had easily accepted my choices, without question.

For the first time, I finally felt I could remake myself, just as I'd wanted to.

"Th-Thank you." I managed as a big smile spread across my face.

The girl smiled back.

..

I jumped first, landing on the platform a bit above the train roughly, rolling. The Candor girl, or Christina, jumped after me, cradling Toviyia in her arms.

I grinned. "Thanks."

She nodded back, her eyes shining.

Our conversation was interrupted by a loud, masculine voice.

"Get in a line."

Christina, the transfers, and I hurried into a perfectly straight line.

"Jump." the voice ordered again.

Everyone drew back from the edge, except for me. I peered down, seeing nothing at the bottom.

"Whatcha looking at, Stiff?" one of the boys asked, to the amusement of the others.

A blush darkened my cheeks as Christina defended me.

"She's deciding on whether she should push you in or not, Peter." she spat his name as if it were a curse word.

Peter's cheeks reddened. "Why doesn't the stiff go first, if she isn't scared."

Christina glared at him. "You look scared to me."

Then I no longer heard the conversation anymore, for _I'd jumped._

I fell, legs first through the air. It was a long, airless fall.

_Maybe it really was bottomless._

My quiet worries were quieted as I hit the trampoline, hard.

Hands caught me, lowering me to the ground.

"A stiff jumped first?" asked a masculine, and strangely familiar voice. I looked up into the persons eyes and was shocked to see who it was.

_Tobias?_

My shock, along with anger was reflected in his eyes as he glared at me. Then his expression cleared, as if the anger had never been there.

"Welcome to Dauntless, first jumper!" he yelled. Meeting my eyes one last time, he gave me one last glare, his eyes saying what he wouldn't say aloud.

_"You shouldn't have come."_

Voices echoed his chant, and heat washed over my cheeks at the anger, the fire in his eyes.

_Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to join Dauntless.._

I pushed away the thought just as quickly as it had come.

_No, I would let this jerk change my choices._

I pushed a smile onto my face. "Thanks."

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**Oh golly gosh. How was this one? Review for more!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Yes, I know this chapter is very late. I'm in High School now, so its getting increasingly harder to update all of my stories. Dx So all of my other stories are on hiatus until I finish this one. It should have about... 20 Chapters, which I will type up right now!**

**Chapter 3**

_"A pregnant Abnegation." he repeats. His lips part and upturn into a wolf-like smile that both frightens and intrigues me. "let's see how long you last."_

* * *

"My name is _Four._"

Tobias introduces himself to us, and I can't help but smirk at the number he's substituted for his name.

_How creative. _I think with a little giggle.

Tobias' eyes connect with mine and he shoots me a glare as if he knows what I'm thinking.

"Four, like the number?" Christina asks, and my eyes dart to hers.

"Yes." Four narrows his eyes as the class snickers. "is there a problem?"

Christina's eyes connect to mine and we silently laugh. "No."

Four looks away and continues to speak.

"We're about to enter the Pit, so everyone stick close to me." he says as he starts walking again. He pushes open the double doors, and the woman with him hurries to open it.

"This," he says as an uneven smile pushes his lips up. "is the Pit."

My mouth, along with the rest of the initiates mouths, drops open as we stare at the uneven rock walls and the rooms carved into the rock.

At the center of the crevices carved into the rock is a endless, dark pit.

"I wouldn't want to fall into that." Christina whispers in my ear, and I nod my agreement.

"Some of us call it the gateway to Hell." Tobias/ Four says. "no matter what," he cautions us. "do not fall or jump in there. If you do," he smirks. "you'll have to save yourselves."

Christina and I exchange looks.

_Somehow, that sounds like a dare._

He starts towards the right side of the pit, motioning for us to follow him. An iron barrier blocks this from the rest of the pit, and the sound of waves fills the air.

"This is the Chasm."

The name fills me with just the slightest bit of apprehension, and as I near it, my fear rises.

Something about this place seems to exude fear, and I'm not the only one who notices it.

One of the initiates, Edward I think is his name, backs away, his face pale.

Someone grabs me around the waist, lifting me up into the air and dangling me right above the Chasm, and I scream, a high-pitched wail that echoes around the chasm.

"Put her down, Peter." Tobias' hard voice reaches my ears and I clamp my mouth shut, embarrassed by the fact that I can't save myself and I need help from this jerk.

"Whatever you say, three- I mean Four." Peter smirks as he feints dropping me into the Chasm.

I bite down hard on my lips to keep from screaming again.

"On the ground, Peter." Tobias says, his voice tight with... _Concern?_

_No. That can't be it._

Peter rolls his eyes but releases me onto the ground.

Christina clambers towards me, holding a shaking Tovyia in her arms. "Are you alright?" she asks, her voice a worried whisper and her brow knit with concern for me, her friend.

I force a smile as Tobias continues his lecture, as if nothing had even happened. "I'm fine."

..

I quickly find myself seated beside an unwilling Four and an excited Christina as the Dauntless-born usher us into the lunch room.

In the center of the table sits a platter of odd objects I identify as food.

I stand and pull the plate closer to myself as I squint at something that looks like bread, except with an odd circular disk between it.

Four sighs. "Its beef, Tris." he rolls his eyes.

Tovyia gives a soft whine of hunger and I rock her from side to side, cooing a soft, wordless tune. Tobias looks uncomfortable for a second as he peers at Tovyia then looks away just as quickly.

I look over at him as I put the beef and bread combination onto my plate. "So you know my name now, do you?"

I'm surprised by the boldness of this statement, as is he.

Christina's eyes fix on him, then on me, puzzlement in her brown eyes.

"You've never had a burger, have you Tris." Christina says.

I shake my head once. "That's what its called?"

Four rolls his eyes at Christina. "Abnegation people don't eat that kind of stuff."

"How would you know, Four?" a deep, masculine voice intrudes on our conversation, and I turn, looking into hard brown eyes. "your not Abnegation, are you?"

Four colors slightly. "No."

Tovyia whines again, this time louder, and Eric's brown hard eyes attach to hers.

I wrap the gray blanket tighter around her, somehow not wanting him to even look at her with those evil eyes.

"So your the pregnant Abnegation," he says, peering at me.

I wordlessly nod.

False tenderness creeps into his tone as he speaks once more. "Let's see her."

He doesn't word the sentence like a question, and I quickly comply, unwrapping the babies face just the slightest.

"What a beauty!" Eric coos as he peers Tovyia, who whimpers and nustles closer to me. "she has such pretty eyes, eyes that are so similar to yours, Tobias."

Tobias doesn't flinch, though I color slightly.

_Does he know?_

"I don't see any resemblance, Eric." he says, his voice steely and hard.

Eric's eyes attach to mine then dart back to Tobias' face.

"Of course not." he finally says, rising to his feet.

"A pregnant Abnegation." he repeats. His lips part and upturn into a wolf-like smile that both frightens and intrigues me. "let's see how long you last."

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**I'm trying to follow _about_ the same plot as the books, though I may change a few parts of the settings and characters a bit. **

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_"As the smallest initiate and the only Abnegation born, initiation seems close to impossible, for me at least._

_The odds, it seems, are not in my favor."_

* * *

Christina's eyes follow me down the hallway as we follow Eric and Tobias. I know she wants to question me on what happened in the lunchroom so I stay five feet in front of her, dreading our confrontation.

_Where are we even going?_

All of us, every one of the initiates are thinking this, but we're not dumb enough to ask Eric the question, especially while he has that smirk on his face.

After what seems like hours of walking, Eric stops in front of a pair of wooden double doors and turns to face us, smiling at our pained expressions.

My legs ache, and I bend to rub them, but the gleam in Eric's eyes stop me.

"I can see your all out of shape." he says, his voice dangerously low.

Peter scowls, but even he knows better then to talk back to the Dauntless leader who exudes such a dangerous aura.

"Listen to these rules, because if they're not followed..." Eric trails off, his eyes holding a dangerous intensity. "you must be in the training room by 8' o clock sharp, every day. Training is from 8 to 6, with a break at 4 for lunch. Free time is after training, then you are free to do whatever you like."

We nod, though dread twists my stomach. "That much training? Where will Tovyia be during this?"

Eric's eyes follow mine down to Tovyia, and he smiles eerily.

"Babies are not allowed in the training room, and we don't have a daycare area here at Dauntless." he says.

Peter, and a few others snicker at his jibe which is clearly directed towards me. I lower my eyes as my cheeks burn.

"Behind these doors," Tobias says abruptly. "are the rooms you will be sleeping in."

Eric shoots him a look before he starts talking again. "Dauntless-born's and new initiates are kept separate for the first level of initiation, though that doesn't mean you will be evaluated separately."

"But isn't that unfair?" Christina interrupts. I shoot her a glance as I wait for her to be reprimanded, but Eric doesn't seem to mind.

"I'm glad you asked that." his voice is a purr as he turns to face Christina. "fairness? No such thing in Dauntless. If this offends you in any way, you are welcome to leave, right now."

Christina doesn't move, though her eyes narrow.

Eric smiles as he turns back to the rest of us initiates. "At the end of the initiation process, your rankings and the dauntless born rankings will be put together and evaluated. And only ten of you will make it."

My mouth goes dry as I try to process this new bit of information.

As the smallest initiate and the only Abnegation born, initiation seems close to impossible, for me at least.

The odds, it seems, are not in my favor.

..

The question I was dreading from Christina never comes, and the walk into the dorm room is quiet. I wait for everyone to sleep to get up, in the middle of the night and enter the bathroom.

I shut the door and undress myself.

My reflection catches my eye and I peer at myself, almost disappointed at what I see.

The girl staring back at me is lanky and thin. She's flat chested, her nose is much to large, and faint stretch marks cling to her belly, a faint reminder of the experience I can't seem to escape from.

Her eyes shine with faint nervousness, and her face is much to pale to be considered pretty.

Tovyia lets out a soft whine and I stare down at her, my beautiful mistake.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**"**_Dauntless training, I quickly find, is by far the most complex of initiation processes"_

* * *

It seems as if I've barely out my head on the pillow when the lights are turned on. From beside me, Tovyia stirs, and lets out a soft keening cry of exhaustion.

The boy that was crying all night lifts his head from the bed and daps at his wet cheeks with a tissue. As he does this, I look the other way and pretend I don't see him.

Peter is the first one to groggily rise to his feet and start towards the bathroom.

"Better hurry and get up," he says, directing his words towards his friends as he smiles impishly. "or I'll use all the hot water."

He says this with such conviction that everyone hurries to their feet, and towards the bathrooms. I lift up Tovyia, and start towards the bathroom. As I walk, I can't help but observe the pajamas other factions wear with distaste.

_Pajamas shouldn't be that colorful, _I think with a sleepy sigh, _it's hardly practical..._

I pass Peter and stiffen, waiting for the insult I'm sure will come. But his green eyes pass right over me, as if I'm invisible.

_.._

Dauntless training, I quickly find, is by far the most exhausting of all the factions put together.

"'The first thing you will learn is to fire a gun," Four says in a monotone voice. He reaches down and unlocks a thick white box and starts to hand out the guns.

My palms begin to sweat and I choke back a sigh.

Everyone seems much to calm for this activity, as if they've all touched and used guns, every one of them.

Tobias pushes a gun into the palm of my hand without looking at me. The guns feels interesting, definitly not what I was expecting. I arrange the gun in my palm into a more fighting worthy stance and wait for instructions.

"Initiation will be divided into three individualized stages. According to your skill and progress we will ank your performance in each stage." Tobias says flatly. His gaze shifs to mine once, then away again.

"We believe, here in Dauntless, that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act n the midst of fear." he pauses for a moment, letting us take in those words.

"But.. But what..." a soft yawn interrupts the flow of Peter's groggily spoken words. "what does firing a gun have to do with bravery?"

Tobias' features harden and I wince, nervous for the oblivious Peter.

He reaches into the box and takes out the gun he intended for Peter. Meeting his eyes with a cool gaze, he flips the gun, presses the barrel into Peter's temple and clicks a bullet into place.

"Wake up," Tobias says in a tight, venemous voice. "you are holding a loaded gun, you moron. Act like it."

Peter's green eyes are widened to unnatural proportions, due to fear, but they harden once the gun is lowered and pressed into his palm.

I notice Four doesn't even bother to answer Peter's question before he takes his gun out of his belt and shoots us a glance before hitting the target in the middle once with a bang that makes me grit my teeth and cover my ears.

I face my target, pushing all ill thoughts from my head as I lift up the gun, wincing at the heaviness of the weapon.

I wrap my hands delicately around it, in an attempt to mimic Four's steady hold on the gun. I fire the trigger, and am utterly unsurprised when it misses.

The gun makes a loud banging noise and the recoil sends me backwards, and onto the hard paved floor. The gun skitters to the floor beside me and I hurriedly pick it up.

_I have a feeling I'll be deaf by the time this initiation is over._

"You okay, Stiff?" Peter asks as a sneer sets across his mouth. I don't bother answering as I fire again. Then again. And again.

Just like before, none of my bullets even comes close to the target, but I'm ready for the recoil that threatens to push me off my feet every time I fire the gun.

"Statistically speaking," pipes up an unfamiliar voice. I turn and look into the smiling face of a Erudite boy. "you should have hit that target at least once now, if not by accident."

"Is that so." I say flatly as his lips pull up more at the corners, into a wider smile.

I grit my teeth as I fire once more, hitting the very edge of the target.

"You see?" the boy asks, "I'm right, statistics don't lie."

I smile, just a little.

..

While we walk to lunch, I find out the boy is named Will.

As he talks about his faction, I massage my throbbing fingers with a smile, for they are my trophy.

I hit the target in the middle, twice, and I was surprised by the power I felt, surging through my thin fingers.

Will and I sit down at one of the tables, with Christina and a bigger, stockier guy.

"This is Al." she introduces. I peer at his face, hiding my surprise as I realize he was the crying guy.

I steel myself, composing my face into a mask as I shake his hand. "Nice to meet you."

I introduce Will to everybody else, and we quickly lapse into a comfortable silence, only broken by the sound of Al's loud chewing.

"Just wondering," Christina breaks the silence to meet Will's level gaze. "why aren't you with the rest of your faction?"

Will glances to the left of us expressionlessly and I follow his gaze. Two people sit alone at a table, a man and a woman.

They sit so close to one another that they're elbows touch. Despite the disapproval that pushes through my thoughts, I can't help but want it, for someone to hold me like that.

Tovyia's chubby face floods my mind, and I remember just how far that got me.

"You alright Tris?" Will asks, his brow knitted in puzzlement.

I nod. "yea. I'm alright." I lie easily, the words flowing from my lips as easily as water from a stream.

And I feel nothing but shame.

..

Tovyia is still asleep where I left her, on the bed. One thumb is in her mouth, the other hand is clutching the covers tightly.

I yearn to let her sleep, to leave her in this rare state of peaceful unconsciousness, but I need to wake her.

"Tovy," I say softly as I shake her slightly.

The child stirs, her dark blue eyes meeting mine with a strange solmnity.

"Iiiiii... tiriireeed." she pronounces easily, sounding out each letter in the word.

I can't help but smile as I lift her up. "Me too." I sigh.

"So how did an Abengation get hitched with a baby so young?" asks a voice.

I turn, so startled I almost drop Tovy.

"Eric." I merely say the name, ignoring the question.

He smiles tightly, though his eyes hold nothing but greed.

"Gonna answer my question Tris?" his voice sounds teasing.

"Go away," Tovyia says, glaring at Eric. "your making mommy cry."

Eric's eyes latch onto the baby, and his smile grows all the more. "So she can talk now, Tris?"

I ignore the question once again as I pull tovyia closer to me.

"That's right," Eric says, grinning. "keep her close. You never know when someone might take her away from you."

The threat in his voice is clear, and I squeeze Tovyia to my breast so tightly she squeals. "Don't make empty threats, Eric." I say, my voice holding more confidence then I feel.

"Oh no, Tris," he says with much amusement. "these aren't threats, they're promises."

..

Even long after he's gone, his hard words remain in my head, echoes of the conversation we had replaying.

I'm scared for myself.

I'm scared for Tobias.

And most of all, I'm scared for Tovyia.

* * *

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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_"Its a moment before I'm even aware of his presence."_

After lunch, we start up once again. After Eric's threat, I'm reluctant to leaving Tovyia alone in the dormitories, so I take her with me.

I ignore the stares I receive as a result of this choice.

Four leads us into a larger room then the last, a room where the wood floor creaks unsteadily beneath my feet. A large green circle is painted in the center. I faintly wonder what it's for.

Four directs us towards a row of black punching bags.

"Now," he says, " you will learn to fight. The goal of this activity is to prepare you for battle, to prepare you to respond to threats and challenges."

He pauses to clear his throat and his eyes slowly, intentionally drift to Tovyia and I. They widen with concern. His eyes dart away so quickly I wonder if I imagined the whole thing.

He begins to name some punches, demonstrating each one as he does, against the punching bag.

We begin to practice, and I put Tovyia on a bench in front of me, instructing her not to move.

I begin to punch the bag, gritting my teeth as I do. The bag stings my hands, turning my delicate skin a bright red color, but I ignore the pain as I continue to practice.

Punch. Wince. Rub.

Its a moment before I'm even aware of his presence.

He stands directly behind me, his brow knit with concentration as he watches me punch the bag.

I continue the motions, though my heart is beating so fast, I'm sure he can hear it through the thin fabric of the shirt I wear.

Then his hand is closing over my shoulder, turning me around gently.

"Keep all the pressure over here while you punch." he instructs me.

At the word here, his hand lands on my stomach and my heart practically stops. His fingers are so long they reach my rib cage and my stomach.

Even after he leaves, it takes me a while to figure out how to start breathing again.

..

"What's up with you?"

Christina's voice breaks into my daze and I look up into her curious brown eyes.

"Why are you being so weird?" she questions again.

I shrug, braiding and unbraiding Tovyia's hair distractedly.

I don't even have to look up to know that Christina and Will are exchanging looks of mild annoyance at my unresponsiveness.

And I'm annoyed with myself too.

_How weak is that? _I mentally scold myself. _all he- the jerk did was touch you, and now your getting all freaked out over it. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

I shake my head to clear the butterflies, but I can't get rid of one nagging thought.

_Do I... Is he? Is it love?_

"No! No! Never!" I yell, speaking my thoughts aloud unconsciously.

It takes me a moment to realize the whole hallway has gone quiet, and I'm receiving multiple 'she's crazy' stares.

"C'mon." Christina mutters as she and Will each take one of my arms, slowly guiding me out of the room. The last thing I see before I leave are troubled dark blue eyes, as deep and mysterious as the ocean itself.

* * *

**Very, very short chapter because I'm lazy. Review lots and I'll make the next one long! Sorry to demand for it, but I really need some ideas.**


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